1. Buying bootleg DVDs will result in bizarre encounters with strange old men in pubs who sing insulting songs that will cause your girlfriend to leave you and basically destroy your life.
2. Guinness reverses time and freezes things. (I don't get it, either.) (1, 2, 3).
(This is kinda weird to have as what may well be my last post from the UK, but then, I'm quirky.)
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